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Last Five Hangovers...
The Ten Thousand Dollar Choking Hazard - 2004-12-09
Mixing Advice - 2004-10-24
A Grave Injustice - 2004-09-27
A Short History of the Bloody Mary (in My Life) - 2004-07-31
If You Build It, We Will Come - 2004-07-19

BE A FRIEND OF THE MOVEMENT!

Here�s the thing: sometimes, you set out with the drunkiest and funkiest of intentions, and you try your very best and you�re even very, very motivated to make it work, and�it just doesn�t happen. And it�s not your fault. Sometimes life gets in the way of drinking, you know? You�re busy with work, you�re knocked down with a really vicious chest cold, you�ve been hit by a truck. It�s okay to take a week or two off. Really, it�s probably good for you.

Except for the part where it�s totally not. What the hell is wrong with you? It�s summer. You�re young. There should be a beer in your hand. No, I know you have a lot to do at work. I don�t care! Don�t you think a drink would make you feel better? Yes, it would. Yes, yes, it would. Drink something! Drink it! Drink it now!

See, the last few weeks have, unfortunately, marked a bit of a downturn in the Drunky and Funky behavior. Heather�s been gallivanting around Europe, surely rustling up some drunken shenanigans of her own, but in her absence, the rest of us have, sadly, tragically, shamefullysort of dropped the ball. This is what marathoners call �hitting the wall.� But the only way to get through it is to keep running. Er, drinking.

Sure, Lauren�s been swamped with work, and Jessica battled with, temporarily succumbed to and then conquered a nasty chest cold, and Carrie�s been dealing with her own work issues and Michael�okay, Michael really hasn�t stopped drinking� but what the hell kind of excuses are those, really? What�s wrong with us? How could we have abandoned our creed so readily? How could we just timidly let the wall smack us in the face like that? The short answer: we don�t know, and we�re really sorry. And it�s not going to happen again.

Because the thing is, alcohol truly is the solution to all of these problems. No, honestly, it is. Worried about the immense amount of work piling up on your desk? Drink enough, and you�ll forget it�s even there. Or, at the very least, you won�t care anymore. Can�t stop coughing? Everyone knows alcohol is medicinal. It�ll help you sweat out the toxins. It kills the germs! It�s good for you. At the very least, it�ll make you very happy for a couple of sweet, sweet, mindless hours. Isn�t that worth it?

Yes, it is.

And we know it.

And we�re not going to forget it again.

So drink up. No. Seriously, bitches. Drink up. Because it�s only the middle of July. We�ve got a lot of inappropriate ground to cover.