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Last Five Hangovers...
The Ten Thousand Dollar Choking Hazard - 2004-12-09
Mixing Advice - 2004-10-24
A Grave Injustice - 2004-09-27
A Short History of the Bloody Mary (in My Life) - 2004-07-31
If You Build It, We Will Come - 2004-07-19

BE A FRIEND OF THE MOVEMENT!

Dear Friend of Heather's boyfriend:

Thank you for inviting us to your party last night. We had a blast, and inadvertently fell into the best costumes that we've ever come up with. We loved them so much, in fact, that they'll be revived for actual Halloween next weekend. But that is not the reason for this letter. The reason is that as I sit here, balancing myself so as not to upset the delicate balance of my upset stomach which is threatening to misbehave at any moment while I make a piece of toast to help settle things, I have a small piece of advice.

You see, you were a very attentive butler - we all loved the costume and you were very careful to not let us go without beverages even though it was your own birthday. You told me you were running low on lemonade for our lemonade and vodka drinks, yet still brought me a full cup. And though I was a bit tipsy and thought it seemed strong, I drank it down. In hindsight, it seems that there might have been a large vodka to lemonade ratio to make up for things. Next time, might I suggest just using more ice? I believe that I ended up, well, just a wee bit drunker than I planned on getting. While some things are still fuzzy, I believe that the vodka contributed to things such as� a preacher drinking out of my shoe, dramatic wig ripping-off (sadly not revealing a giant scar from the accident in which my husband thought he killed me, a la Melrose Place, but the hair was red and it was dramatic nonetheless), and my roommate phoning my former booty call (pretending to be me) to tell him we found out why he disappeared off the face of the earth and still didn't care, and that if he wanted to get laid he should start picking up the phone again.

Aaaaaah, drunk dialing, my old friend. It had been too long.

The greatest tragedy of it all is that, as I get startling closer to entering my early-late twenties, I cannot handle my liquor like I once could, and my days of never getting hangovers seem to now only be lore from my younger years. I'm thinking a little bit of sweet, sweet death right now to stop the pounding in my head and the gurgling in my stomach. I believe that probably, the equivalent of a plastic cup of vodka consumed over a couple of hours is something I need to try and avoid in the future. And so, with still many thanks for the fabulous shindig, I give you the above drink-mixing tip. Happy Birthday!

Cheers,
Lauren