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BE A FRIEND OF THE MOVEMENT!

In the immortal words of some guy who writes for The Onion, "Beer. It's fucking great."

That's why we've decided to honor that frothy bliss juice by periodically devoting this space to it and other forms of alcohol: Facts, interesting varieties, choice concoctions, and maybe just stories about how much we love it. Because we do. And we live to make sure you do, too.

A word to the wise, boozers: Be ambidextrous.

Four nights a week, Matt Royle, a Lancashire psychology student, quaffs six pints of Boddington's at his local pub. But aside from the admirable tolerance and formidable beer belly this must have built in him, it's also afflicted him with Repetitive Strain Injury.

It seems that lifting what Matt calls "pint pots" hurt his wrist so much that it actually impeded his ability to hold the Boddington's properly, which came as a surprise to him, as he's apparently been an ardent drinker since his teens. What's more surprising is that Matt is the first person in Britain to receive an official diagnosis that drinking caused his RSI. He's now wearing a wrist brace on his right side.

We applaud Matt for the bold commitment to boozing that led to his injury, and we thank him for reminding us to knock 'em back with both hands. (Source.)

As if Guinness wasn't delicious enough, either on its own or as part of an Irish Car Bomb, it now appears that there are medical benefits to guzzling the famed Irish stout.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison have concluded that, in a test pitting Guinness against Heineken, the darker beer is more heart-healthy. (Source.)

It's something to do with blood clots and platelets and a made-up-sounding thing called a "flavonoid," lessening the risk of heart attack, making you prettier and muscular and tan� We're not really sure. We tend to gloss right over the actual medical specifics, and instead seize upon the glorious news that increasing our Guinness consumption is going to save our lives.

Tonight, raise your glass (gently, and with a rested wrist) to Wisconsin for delivering something important besides cheese and cheddarwurst.

And now for the Beers of The Month That We Haven't Tasted, But Which Sound Saucy -- courtesy of the calendar sitting on my desk at work.

SMUTTYNOSE ROBUST PORTER: This one wins notice on its name alone, but we feel compelled to draw your attention to its magnificent label. The circus theme, the animal-print onesie, the dog with the miserable expression because it's got a tutu around its neck, the keg, the feathers and spangles, the saucy shrug that seems to say, "What? You don't have one of these at home?" -- that photo so beautifully encapsulates the words "robust" and "smuttynose" that it leaves us practically speechless. Brewed in New Hampshire, the porter is described as having a "roasted mouthfeel," which is hot even though we don't really know what that means, and there's some mention of it being a 2001 Gold Medal Winner at the Great American Beer Festival (a.k.a., our future place of worship).

MOUNTAIN GOAT HIGHTAIL ALE: This is an Australian brew, with the label slogan, "Bottled but not tamed," accompanied by a silhouette of a fairly Satanic-shaped goat head. It also boasts one of the most confusing taste descriptions we've ever read: "Mountain Goat's sweetly pungent grapefruit aroma is quickly followed by an assertive, mouthwatering astringency. A sweet and delectable ripe peach flavor absorbs the tartness. Hints of spice mingle with the fruitiness to produce a delicious and subtly complex mouthfeel. The rich malt character awakens at mid-bottle, adding a chewy, sweet aspect." Um� okay. So, it's pungent (stinky), assertive (a mouth-slap), astringent (it stings), chewy (curdled), and yet also sweet and peachy? We have absolutely no clue why this is a tasty beer, but dammit, we're on board -- if for no other reason than to see if we can make it to mid-bottle for The Great Awakening.

MIDDLE AGES DRUID FLUID: This one wins notice for its rhyming name and high alcohol content (9.5 percent). It also apparently smacks you upside the taste buds with "a romantic candied caramel malt" and "a sweet, lush caramel taste," with "a hint of milk chocolate in the swallow." If only we could say that about everything in life, ladies. Brewed in Syracuse, New York.

YOUNG'S LUXURY DOUBLE CHOCOLATE STOUT: This one's got "a pillowy tan head and lush, velvety black body." We're horny.

If you have or plan to encounter any of the above in your travails, feel free to write us at [email protected] to let us know your thoughts. We'll print your note -- anonymously, of course, because that's the way of things among drinkers -- to either spread the gospel or warn off your fellow boozehounds. And if you come across anything you think our drinking buddies might like to read in this space, feel free to contact us with that as well.

Happy chugging!