*NEW* Shop the Drunky But Funky store!

Last Five Hangovers...
The Ten Thousand Dollar Choking Hazard - 2004-12-09
Mixing Advice - 2004-10-24
A Grave Injustice - 2004-09-27
A Short History of the Bloody Mary (in My Life) - 2004-07-31
If You Build It, We Will Come - 2004-07-19

BE A FRIEND OF THE MOVEMENT!

1) Dr. No is not a girl. (Okay, we already knew that, but what, were we supposed to leave him at home? It was his half-birthday. He deserved booze.)

2) We are all pretty horny. This came to light when the beautiful Taye Diggs-esque saxophone player at the Dresden started playing, and we all individually and repeatedly admitted we wanted to lick his bald head.

3) Mojitos are not on the Atkins diet.

4) Neither is some Indian food.

5) We think the Atkins diet should go screw itself.

6) Wait, then the Atkins diet would be getting action, and it doesn't deserve that. So instead, we think the Atkins diet should go sit in a corner and think about what it did, then swear a vow of celibacy and move into a monastery where the monks are real shitheads to people who break sworn vows.

7) Jessica and Dr. No know all the words to that Blondie song with the rap in it. ["It's 'Rapture,' I think." -- Jessica]

8) Wanda Sykes of Wanda At Large is really entertained by a table of five girls and a guy who are dancing in their chairs.

9) Though one might think dancing while seated limits the creative options, one would be wrong. So wrong. Slip, for one, seemed perfectly able to replicate her Michael Jackson-style grooving without getting up from the table, and Jessica's trademark "Throw your hands in the air and wave them twice clockwise, then twice counterclockwise, over and over until your shoulders start to hurt" dance was not in the least hindered by the limited range of motion -- and actually seems tailor-made for the occasion.

10) Melissa McCarthy, who plays Sookie on Gilmore Girls, is very short in real life. And very, very pretty.

11) When you are so drunk that you leave the bar without closing your tab, and you make Carrie turn the car around when you're a third of the way home because you really think you should retrieve your cash card, then you should not contemplate sucking down another mojito real quick while you're signing your tab. (Heather, we're looking in your direction.)

12) The old Italian bartender at The Dresden just wants to get young girls drunk. We know this because every time he made a Blood And Sand for someone and had some overflow, rather than giving it to the customer who ordered the drink, he poured it into Aletha's Blood And Sand glass. So, wait, let's revise: Old Italian Bartender at the Dresden just wants to get Aletha drunk.

13) Girls, when buzzed, require very little provocation to begin a conversation about vibrators.

14) Girls love vibrators.

15) Girls really love recommending their vibrators to other girls.

16) Duvel, a splendid Belgian beer, does funny things with its foam when you pour it and watch it settle. So much so that, when it forms a little island of head in the middle of the glass, innumerable "head" jokes will automatically follow, and once it's big enough Heather will almost certainly mouthify Head Island in order to get a laugh.

17) Jessica is a motherly drunk. Alight with the prospect of drunk-dialing a traveling Lauren, she then quelled the urge because she "didn't want to disturb her" at the late hour in Colorado.

18) We apparently are not as concerned about Michael, because he got drunk-dialed by us approximately fifty-six times, the last of which involved one of us shouting into the phone, "I'M STILL DRUNK!" and then hanging up shortly thereafter.

19) We really have to do this again when Lauren is back in town.