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Last Five Hangovers...
The Ten Thousand Dollar Choking Hazard - 2004-12-09
Mixing Advice - 2004-10-24
A Grave Injustice - 2004-09-27
A Short History of the Bloody Mary (in My Life) - 2004-07-31
If You Build It, We Will Come - 2004-07-19

BE A FRIEND OF THE MOVEMENT!

There is grave news from Germany.

In a terrifying trend, it's been reported that the nation's beer production is… gulp… dropping. For four straight years, Germany -- one of the world's top three countries in terms of beer consumption -- has produced less and less of that most prized of alcoholic nectars.

Brewers apparently blame this on the country's changing population, claiming that fewer young people in Germany translates into fewer beer drinkers, which affects production. Those brewers have apparently never set foot inside an English pub at Sunday lunchtime to observe the vast range of gray-hairs knocking back a few too many pints.

The trend, if true, is particularly disturbing when you consider that Germany is something of a Mecca for those of us who love to blow the froth off a cold one. It's a bit like finding out Mötley Crüe has been fucking fewer and fewer burritos, or that Italy's grape supply is dwindling, or that France is becoming known as a polite nation.

Nonetheless, if that's true, don't let this happen. It's time to take action. Get thee to Germany, and knock back as much cold ale as you can pour down your throat. Do it for beer. Do it for the world. It's your duty as a drunk. (Source.)

Luckily, there's happy news to offset that tragic trend: Evidently, and contrary to the popular spiel delivered by drunk guys trying to explain why things just aren't functioning right now, beer can actually help strengthen bones.

University of London scientists have discovered that levels of bioavailable silicon in beer can… you don't care, do you? Because we don't. We stopped reading at, "preventing osteoporosis." Although we did skim the article and learn that Japanese scientists found a correlation between beer and reduced risk of colon cancer, which means our foamy friend is even more magical than we thought.

Science is wonderful. (Source.)

Check out the new Drunky But Funky store. It started with an idea about a running-related t-shirt, but if there's interest, we'll expand into other kinds of apparel and knick-knacks as well.

Coming soon: A beer stein. It's about time, isn’t it?

Beers of The Month That We Haven't Tasted, But Which Sound Saucy, courtesy of the calendar on my desk:

HARPOON HIBERNIAN STYLE ALE: First, let's pretend this Boston ale made the cut on its own merits -- it's listed as a creamy liquid with "hints of… nutty butter hops hidden in all the right places," and that sounds like a giddy little game indeed. But the real reason this one's getting a listing is for the beer fact printed on the page: "In pre-Revolutionary Massachusetts, habitual violators of drinking shop laws were likely to find themselves placed in pillories and made to wear hair shirts inscribed with a large D for 'drunkard.'" We think those were our ancestors.

DOROTHY GOODBODY'S WHOLESOME STOUT: Were the name not enough, this beer's label boasts a Marilyn Monroe lookalike on the label -- rumored to be the aptly named Ms. Goodbody herself -- and is described by the calendar as having "voluptuous good taste." It's brewed in Stoke Lacy, Hertfordshire, England, and we recall reading something about a hint of nuts -- which would doubtless make Ms. Goodbody's mouth water.

WELTENBURGER KLOSTER BAROCK-DUNKEL: This Kellheim, Germany-made beer -- which means it's endangered, we suppose -- made the cut for a few reasons: One, we like burgers. Two, the name is incredibly fun to utter. Third, its taste apparently evokes caramel and toffee, perfect for sweetaholics like us. But mostly, we just like that it's brewed by monks, because that means it's God-approved.

MEAD THE GUEUZE: "Gueuze" is made by mixing an old lambic beer with a young one, according to the calendar, which puts it on our list -- after all, there's no shame in May-December shenanigans. This effervescent Belgian beer has a light honey finish, with fruity tartness. (We just thought we'd throw that in there to sound official.)

STEAMWORKS BACKSIDE STOUT: This one's a strong slap of a roasted stout that spanks you with its hoppy taste and nutty aroma, like a firm palm to your widening derriere… No, we're kidding, we just thought "backside stout" was funny. Brewed in Durango, Colorado.

Happy chugging!