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Last Five Hangovers...
The Ten Thousand Dollar Choking Hazard - 2004-12-09
Mixing Advice - 2004-10-24
A Grave Injustice - 2004-09-27
A Short History of the Bloody Mary (in My Life) - 2004-07-31
If You Build It, We Will Come - 2004-07-19

BE A FRIEND OF THE MOVEMENT!

After a couple months of attempting to trim down the beer bellies, we're revving up to get down and dirty in winter.

In the meantime, lest you think we're the only weirdos in the world whose mission in life is to get hammered and then write about how stupidly we acted, we have apparent soulmates over at Amazing Drinking Stories. They call themselves the Eliminators, and if I read their first story correctly, the group of committed boozers formed at a charity bowling event. That's just poetic.

One disgusting story highlight: A night where one man downs fifty-one China White shots, then shoves his fist into his mouth in the vain hope that it would block the flow of regurgitation. As water sprays in a hundred directions when it flows smack into a rock, so did the current of his chunder when it met his fist.

Yikes. At least when Kimo did it, there weren't a thousand splash spots to clean.

From Jane, a reader either in Utah or familiar with its microbrews: "In a state where alcohol consumption is frowned upon, there is a glorious beer: Wasatch Brewery's Polygamy Porter."

The label is faintly evocative or an orgy. The beer's slogan: "Why have just one?"

Brilliant.

After writing it up in Volume One, we've gotten two separate endorsements of Mountain Goat Hightail Ale.

Cass, a reader and Melbourne resident, vows that excessive consumption of this fine Aussie ale results in "above-average satisfaction" and "engaging in inappropriate behavior." Sounds perfect for us. And a friend of the site called Uli recommends the organic version of Mountain Goat, which comes with no preservatives, and allegedly, no hangover.

Drink up, drink often.

Beers That We Haven't Tasted, But Which Sound Saucy (Courtesy of the calendar on my desk).

PELICAN TSUNAMI STOUT: From a brew pub in Pacific City, Oregon, the Tsunami Stout promises a "roasted-coffee presence" and a "Concord grape quality." That sounds like a weird confluence of competing tastes, but we don't much care, because this black beer also apparently looks ruby-red when held up to the light. And looks are everything.

JOPEN KOYT GRUIT: Rumors that this one has an aroma of fresh vegetables almost eliminated it immediately from these pages, until we realized it's a sturdy 8.5 percent alcohol and has a name that's both incomprehensible and delicious when it rolls incorrectly off the tongue. In addition, "gruit" is an herbal mixture that brewers used before the discovery of hops, and is believed to be an aphrodisiac. That's about all we need to hear.

ALESMITH ANVIL ALE: By name alone, it's the beer for all recappers. Also, its "hoppy-spice character float[s] along on a velvety cushion of fizzy softness." Sexy.

LAKEFRONT FUEL CAFE: Apparently, coffee flavoring in beer is pretty popular, as evidenced by this Milwaukee brew whose "unrelenting java taste will take your breath away." It's for coffee lovers only. No word on whether it comes with enough caffeine to be considered an adequate substitute for a wake-up cup. Guess we won't know until we roll over and crack open a bottle.

Thanks to everyone who contacted us at drunkybutfunky@hotmail.com; if anyone has items they'd like to see in Booze You Can Use, be they newsy or beer recommendations or just cautionary tales, please drop us a line.

Happy Guzzling.